we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just pee around me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize