The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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