Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
