I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize