That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize