Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need water and some morals
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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