just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
