He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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