Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
