So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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