My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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