If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize