Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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