Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
