I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
