remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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