I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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