I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
