Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
