He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
