My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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