I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
