Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
