Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
