I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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