She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
