this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
