We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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