Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
