Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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