So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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