i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
