I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize