fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
