watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
