so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
