cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize