i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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