I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
