in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
