dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
