I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
