I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My pussy is not your playground.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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