I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
