dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
