That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
