tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
