so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
