I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
