Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize