East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
