There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize