Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
