either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
