It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
