She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
