Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
