I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
