i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
