Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
