Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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