are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
