i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
