Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
