Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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