4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
