i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
