He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
