so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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