Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize