Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
