I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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