Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
