For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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