Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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