I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
