Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize