PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize