Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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