Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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