Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
