Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
