I met the friendliest cop last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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